I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
