Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
