she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
