i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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