Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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