Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
