i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
