So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
