i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
