May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
