White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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