He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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