People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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