omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
