My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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