1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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