I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
