i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Houston, we have a blender
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
