I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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