I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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