Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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