I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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