which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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