I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We were destined to go to rehab together
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
