Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
