your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
