I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
