You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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