I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
