the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
