Your dad touched me again.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
