miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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