dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
