So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
