I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My pussy is not your playground.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
