covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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