I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
