Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
