Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
