i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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