im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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