Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
