the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
