Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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