I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
