Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
