i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
