Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize