you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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