You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
