are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
