I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
