When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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