god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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