NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
