Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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