Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
