just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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