loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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