Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize