Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
