Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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