Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
