I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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