to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize