i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
