Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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