so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
