basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize