ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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