she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
