This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
