i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
