just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
