she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
