HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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