Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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