jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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