11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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