That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
