Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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