Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
