I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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