garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
