first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
