I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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