The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
