the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
