maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
