I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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