i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
