I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
