sorry about calling you the devil all night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
