just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
