i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize