did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
