I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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